Monday, 31 December 2012
Sunday, 30 December 2012
A Year Ago
December 31st, 2011, you decided you weren't talking to me. You were mad at me for 5 days now and I had barely heard from you unless I took initiative to message you...
You see, 4-5 days ago you had taken me to Starbucks on a small "date" to talk about the big picture and to see what was going to happen between us. You wanted to know if I was serious and willing to leave or "deal with" what I was currently in to start something new with you. We talked for 2 hours just sitting in a Starbucks you had kidnapped me to somewhere on Eglington. You drove me back home where we talked for another 3-4 hours, way past midnight. I liked you, I liked you alot. Especially to be giving up a almost 3 year relationship where I was comfortable..but not happy... and you saw that. But I wouldn't cheat. Ever. Which is why we were having this talk. We agreed that we could work and that we wanted to move forward.
The next day me and my current at the time had tickets to see Trans Siberian Orchestra, I had thought this would be the perfect opportunity to tell him. He knew me and him were going no where. We were more friends then anything else. We didn't share the things people have in a relationship. This happened way before you came into the picture though. You just made it more clear. The concert was great as expected, we decided to get a late night bite. This is where I decided to tell him how I felt. One mistake I made that I wish I could take back till this day was that.. I wish I had told you I was going out with him the next day, why, and what my plans were.
But of course. I didn't.
You had found out from a little birdie who we thought was our friend. Sabotaging us was his plan instead..
Back at the restaurant, I spoke to him. I told him how I felt and how what we had was not healthy for either of us. I told him it would be best if we just became really good friends. He was bothered at first, but began to understand. He agreed and we departed that night as friends.
On my way home I had text messaged you. You were cold, and distant, I noticed right away just by the way you answered. Your answers had been very few and far between which wasn't the usual for you. I tried to spark conversation, I had such good news to tell you. But you didn't want to listen, nor did you care to. I used my magic line on you;
"You seem busy.. I'll let you go.."
You had said to me that if I were to use that as an excuse to stop talking you would drop what ever it was you were doing and you would drive or come to where ever I was... It didn't work though...
"Alright" ... was your answer instead.
So I let you go. Didn't hear from you for the rest of the night. I knew you were out with Daniel at Tim Horton's. I hoped when you got home that you would message me. I waited till 4:47 am till I passed out crying with my pillow, curled up in a ball, phone in my right hand, clicking the menu button to check the time every 5 minutes. Nothing.
9 am I had awoken with a knot in my stomach. I scrambled to find my phone in hopes that I had received a message from you. Nothing.
I went all day checking my phone or keeping it close to me incase you would message me.
A whole day had almost passed by, it was 9:15 pm now and I was on a bus in tears listening to music on my Ipod on my way to Daniela's house. I couldn't bare the thought of not talking to you all day so I had decided to take out my phone and send you a text. 15-20 minutes later you had responded. It was short and bitter, my heart sank. I knew you were mad at me..All I wanted to do was talk to you and tell you what had happened and why. Short, non-frequent messages sent back and forth to eachother for an hour until you stopped responding. I ended up sleeping at Dani's house that night, she helped me alot with trying to unwind and relax. 3 days later I don't hear from you. The sound of Dani's voice telling me not to message you and give you space to think still torturing my brain. Every night the same thing, curled up in a ball, with my pillow, phone in the right hand checking the time, tears rolling from my eyes in hopes that you would message me. The same as every night...nothing.
It's New Years Eve now, ending the year of 2011, I hadn't broken the news to my family about me and my now "Ex" boyfriend. He was invited awhile back to come over for New years eve, so naturally he joined. Awkward and frustrating I put up with him for the night to prevent questions and the anguish of explaining why. 11:11pm, I make a wish.
" I wish that Matt would text me, I wish everything would be the way it was supposed to be"
Nothing...
11:55 pm, they all get ready to start counting down, grab the champaign bottles and gather up in the den. I grab Noce and put him on his leash to go for a walk. No one really notices that I left at this point, guess they didn't care either. I was a crab all night. Moody and quiet. Kept to myself and didn't try to mingle. The true "mood-killer" of the night I was. So why would it matter if I left?
I stormed out of the house with my dog, dragging him as far away from the house as I could incase someone would follow me outside. I turn the corner at the end of the street. It's now 11:58 pm. I continue walking, further and further from the area. I make a turn on a walkway into the field, it's dark and deserted. No one would think to look there. I check my phone, 11: 59 pm. I'm cold, my heart hurts and my eyes fill up with tears. Where are you? Why aren't you messaging me? Don't you care? Does it not bother you at all?!
I look at my phone, 12:00 am, 2012. I open your facebook page and enter options to de-friend or poke. My thumb hovers over the de-friend option. My hand shaking, cold and scared, tears rolling down my face, I gasp and swallow to hold back the lump in my throat. I close my eyes and let my thumb land softly on the de-friend button. I open my eyes, it wants me to confirm. I cry and feel the anger and hurt build up. I accept to de-friend. I close my phone and turn it off. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't care who messages me. If it's not you, I don't care. I sit down, on the ground, face buried in my knees. I cry.
What have I done? Why is this happening? I did what I was supposed to do! Why don't you care to listen to me?!
I'm freezing, I decided to head back. Not in a rush though, very slowly I take my time. Dreading to answer questions when I returned.
Father - "Where did you go?"
" I took Noce out for a walk, he needed to go out.."
Father - "Takes that long to walk a dog? You missed the countdown and everything"
" It will be there next year too..."
Father- "Okay, What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing"
I'm glad he didn't notice my eyes being all red and puffy from the crying. My ex wasn't concerned with anything that was going on, he was in deep conversation with my uncle about his computer that he built. I didn't want to have to deal with him anyways so it was a bonus for me. 1:45 am, we decided to go home. I wanted to go with my parents in their car, obviously this pissed off my ex but he had no choice since I wasn't giving in. So we went our separate ways. He didn't bother to text or phone me when he got home which was all right by me. My phone was off anyways and had no intention of turning it back on till morning.
I got ready for bed and sat on the computer for a bit talking to Melissa on Skype. 4:43 am I decided I needed to go to sleep. My head hurt and so did everything else, especially my stomach and chest.
Routine as usual; curled up with my pillow, tears in my eyes, this time without the phone in my hand, staring at the gift you had made me for my Christmas/birthday present. I had finally fallen asleep.
It is now December 31st, 2012, and I could not picture myself without you now. It has been one hell of journey with you and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. We have fought through so many obstacles to get where we are today and I couldn't be happier.
I love you Matt.
2013; I am ready for you now.
You see, 4-5 days ago you had taken me to Starbucks on a small "date" to talk about the big picture and to see what was going to happen between us. You wanted to know if I was serious and willing to leave or "deal with" what I was currently in to start something new with you. We talked for 2 hours just sitting in a Starbucks you had kidnapped me to somewhere on Eglington. You drove me back home where we talked for another 3-4 hours, way past midnight. I liked you, I liked you alot. Especially to be giving up a almost 3 year relationship where I was comfortable..but not happy... and you saw that. But I wouldn't cheat. Ever. Which is why we were having this talk. We agreed that we could work and that we wanted to move forward.
The next day me and my current at the time had tickets to see Trans Siberian Orchestra, I had thought this would be the perfect opportunity to tell him. He knew me and him were going no where. We were more friends then anything else. We didn't share the things people have in a relationship. This happened way before you came into the picture though. You just made it more clear. The concert was great as expected, we decided to get a late night bite. This is where I decided to tell him how I felt. One mistake I made that I wish I could take back till this day was that.. I wish I had told you I was going out with him the next day, why, and what my plans were.
But of course. I didn't.
You had found out from a little birdie who we thought was our friend. Sabotaging us was his plan instead..
Back at the restaurant, I spoke to him. I told him how I felt and how what we had was not healthy for either of us. I told him it would be best if we just became really good friends. He was bothered at first, but began to understand. He agreed and we departed that night as friends.
On my way home I had text messaged you. You were cold, and distant, I noticed right away just by the way you answered. Your answers had been very few and far between which wasn't the usual for you. I tried to spark conversation, I had such good news to tell you. But you didn't want to listen, nor did you care to. I used my magic line on you;
"You seem busy.. I'll let you go.."
You had said to me that if I were to use that as an excuse to stop talking you would drop what ever it was you were doing and you would drive or come to where ever I was... It didn't work though...
"Alright" ... was your answer instead.
So I let you go. Didn't hear from you for the rest of the night. I knew you were out with Daniel at Tim Horton's. I hoped when you got home that you would message me. I waited till 4:47 am till I passed out crying with my pillow, curled up in a ball, phone in my right hand, clicking the menu button to check the time every 5 minutes. Nothing.
9 am I had awoken with a knot in my stomach. I scrambled to find my phone in hopes that I had received a message from you. Nothing.
I went all day checking my phone or keeping it close to me incase you would message me.
A whole day had almost passed by, it was 9:15 pm now and I was on a bus in tears listening to music on my Ipod on my way to Daniela's house. I couldn't bare the thought of not talking to you all day so I had decided to take out my phone and send you a text. 15-20 minutes later you had responded. It was short and bitter, my heart sank. I knew you were mad at me..All I wanted to do was talk to you and tell you what had happened and why. Short, non-frequent messages sent back and forth to eachother for an hour until you stopped responding. I ended up sleeping at Dani's house that night, she helped me alot with trying to unwind and relax. 3 days later I don't hear from you. The sound of Dani's voice telling me not to message you and give you space to think still torturing my brain. Every night the same thing, curled up in a ball, with my pillow, phone in the right hand checking the time, tears rolling from my eyes in hopes that you would message me. The same as every night...nothing.
It's New Years Eve now, ending the year of 2011, I hadn't broken the news to my family about me and my now "Ex" boyfriend. He was invited awhile back to come over for New years eve, so naturally he joined. Awkward and frustrating I put up with him for the night to prevent questions and the anguish of explaining why. 11:11pm, I make a wish.
" I wish that Matt would text me, I wish everything would be the way it was supposed to be"
Nothing...
11:55 pm, they all get ready to start counting down, grab the champaign bottles and gather up in the den. I grab Noce and put him on his leash to go for a walk. No one really notices that I left at this point, guess they didn't care either. I was a crab all night. Moody and quiet. Kept to myself and didn't try to mingle. The true "mood-killer" of the night I was. So why would it matter if I left?
I stormed out of the house with my dog, dragging him as far away from the house as I could incase someone would follow me outside. I turn the corner at the end of the street. It's now 11:58 pm. I continue walking, further and further from the area. I make a turn on a walkway into the field, it's dark and deserted. No one would think to look there. I check my phone, 11: 59 pm. I'm cold, my heart hurts and my eyes fill up with tears. Where are you? Why aren't you messaging me? Don't you care? Does it not bother you at all?!
I look at my phone, 12:00 am, 2012. I open your facebook page and enter options to de-friend or poke. My thumb hovers over the de-friend option. My hand shaking, cold and scared, tears rolling down my face, I gasp and swallow to hold back the lump in my throat. I close my eyes and let my thumb land softly on the de-friend button. I open my eyes, it wants me to confirm. I cry and feel the anger and hurt build up. I accept to de-friend. I close my phone and turn it off. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't care who messages me. If it's not you, I don't care. I sit down, on the ground, face buried in my knees. I cry.
What have I done? Why is this happening? I did what I was supposed to do! Why don't you care to listen to me?!
I'm freezing, I decided to head back. Not in a rush though, very slowly I take my time. Dreading to answer questions when I returned.
Father - "Where did you go?"
" I took Noce out for a walk, he needed to go out.."
Father - "Takes that long to walk a dog? You missed the countdown and everything"
" It will be there next year too..."
Father- "Okay, What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing"
I'm glad he didn't notice my eyes being all red and puffy from the crying. My ex wasn't concerned with anything that was going on, he was in deep conversation with my uncle about his computer that he built. I didn't want to have to deal with him anyways so it was a bonus for me. 1:45 am, we decided to go home. I wanted to go with my parents in their car, obviously this pissed off my ex but he had no choice since I wasn't giving in. So we went our separate ways. He didn't bother to text or phone me when he got home which was all right by me. My phone was off anyways and had no intention of turning it back on till morning.
I got ready for bed and sat on the computer for a bit talking to Melissa on Skype. 4:43 am I decided I needed to go to sleep. My head hurt and so did everything else, especially my stomach and chest.
Routine as usual; curled up with my pillow, tears in my eyes, this time without the phone in my hand, staring at the gift you had made me for my Christmas/birthday present. I had finally fallen asleep.
It is now December 31st, 2012, and I could not picture myself without you now. It has been one hell of journey with you and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. We have fought through so many obstacles to get where we are today and I couldn't be happier.
I love you Matt.
2013; I am ready for you now.
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Rant? I think so!
Work sucked and Matt was being an in-sensitiveness ass today -.-
So it started off with me waking up knowing what I want for breakfast *quick and easy cereal* doesn't waste time and I can stay in bed a little longer. No, of course not.. I go downstairs and pour myself a bowl of cereal, only to hear the annoying ugly voice of my sister;
"There's no more soya milk"
Thanks Bitch! She literally watched me pour the cereal in my bowl!!! Seriously?!
Basically in a nut shell I can't drink regular milk which we have shit loads of cause it makes me sick, so I need to drink soya milk. Now let me inform you guys of something about my sister.
She is an anorexic bulimic who only wants to be skinny to get the attention from the male species. Did i mention she has a boyfriend of 3 years now? Yep. apparently not good enough for her. Anyways, back on topic. So she finally strolled home at 8 pm in the yesterday after being away for 6 days straight at her boyfriends house. Drank and ate everything in the house and then puked YES PUKED it all up. Cause she is selfish right? I came home to the bathroom door locked and the sound of the sink and shower water running at the same time....She thinks this drowns out her gagging noises... Nice try.
So I wake up to find out she drank all the soya milk last night... * I had cereal yesterday morning there was a full container of soya milk still * That pissed me the hell off! I snapped! I had to pour the cereal back into the box and make toast since there's nothing else in the stupid house to eat for breakfast. That and I did not want to eat bread 2x today. W.e, made toast, decided to make my sandwich for work, last night there was salami and cheese....But where did it go? OH that's right.. It's in vomit form now in lake Ontario. Great place for it. FUCK! So now what do I make? I can't buy lunch... my work place is in the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere! Peanut butter it is! Sure hope no one is allergic and I don't end up killing anyone at work.
Oh yah! It's snowing! I don't have winter tires on! Daddy can you take me to work so I don't DIE?
"Just drive really slow, you'll be fine"
"GET UP YOU LAZY SHMUCK!"
This is where I text Matt and rant about my pathetic morning. God I need him. He is my source of sanity.
So he ended up driving me to work thank God. was there 45 min EARLY which blew.. Treated 5 people today with no break, only 10 minutes in-between each client to flip tables and fill forms.
Matt decides to wake up around 12 and send me the most insensitive message of life.
"Get in your car and go buy stuff, don't sit there and pout you have nothing...Go out and eat"
Okay, no.. Not in the mood for that kinda answer dear...
So we had it out through text all day. I barely talked to him anyway seeing as I was so busy. He ended up saying sorry and that he didn't mean to be insensitive. He even offered to have his mom come and bring me something. I said no of course cause by that time I was done.
Took small bites out of my death sandwich trying to salvage it from 12-5 pm.
Last client was allergic to peanut butter. Go figure. LOL
Home now. ranting on blogger cause I have nutting better to do on a Saturday evening. Supposed to pick Matt up after work at 10:30, spend the night and sleep in tomorrow morning cause we haven't in 2 weeks since my birthday weekend. This is what we agreed on yesterday.
I got a headache and want to go nap. Hope I wake up.
PS. Mother Nature, if you'd be so kind as to not surprise me with snow when I awake. Much appreciated
Ciao!
Friday, 28 December 2012
You want to what?!
Yawn! long day at work today..Even worse tomorrow..*sad face* Didn't get to go out with my friends today after work cause I have a splitting headache. They ended up going to Snake and Lattes at 9:30 pm.
So I'm on the phone with Matt now and he's telling me how he hurt himself today at work *Best Buy* stacking shelves with "Metal of Honor" ...to which of course I made a funny =P
"So you fell with Honor?"
Yep, I laughed.
But then he sent me pictures of his arm and ankle from the fall.. it looks pretty bad and I'm worried about him going to work and standing all day tomorrow =(
Yep! Look at that ankle. I see pain. Do you? And body hair..lots and lots of body hair.
So we miss eachother, even though we spent the past 2 nights together..
Matt - I miss you !
Moi - Miss you too..
Matt - No you don't! You don't even wanna drive here to see me! I even offered to pick you up!
Moi - Are you not tired of seeing my face all the time?
Matt - No.... You know I wanna see you everyday.
Moi - Liar!! You are lying!
Matt - I wanna live with you..
Moi - I don't believe you!
Matt - *sigh* You never do.
Conversation lasting till 2 am, I can feel it.
Night night XoX
So I'm on the phone with Matt now and he's telling me how he hurt himself today at work *Best Buy* stacking shelves with "Metal of Honor" ...to which of course I made a funny =P
"So you fell with Honor?"
Yep, I laughed.
But then he sent me pictures of his arm and ankle from the fall.. it looks pretty bad and I'm worried about him going to work and standing all day tomorrow =(
Yep! Look at that ankle. I see pain. Do you? And body hair..lots and lots of body hair.
So we miss eachother, even though we spent the past 2 nights together..
Matt - I miss you !
Moi - Miss you too..
Matt - No you don't! You don't even wanna drive here to see me! I even offered to pick you up!
Moi - Are you not tired of seeing my face all the time?
Matt - No.... You know I wanna see you everyday.
Moi - Liar!! You are lying!
Matt - I wanna live with you..
Moi - I don't believe you!
Matt - *sigh* You never do.
Conversation lasting till 2 am, I can feel it.
Night night XoX
I can play COD!
So yesterday was the day after the snow storm so obviously people would be scared to drive on the road. I started with 13 clients when I looked at my schedule the other day, ended up only treating 4 people! Cancellations like mad!
W.e Matt drove me to work yesterday morning because he was worried about my car not having winter tires. Such a sweetheart! Always worrying about me :).
Was there from 930 am till 430 cause I was allowed to leave early... Yah thanks!
Matt picked me up and his friend Adrian was in the car... Didn't even notice him walking towards the car. So this is where Matt starts turning into an asshole ...
" I'm driving her cause she can't drive in the snow" he makes a reenactment of me driving which is basically him swerving ... Asshole...
Then Adrian says I should play COD with them when I get back..
Soooo Matt starts ripping on me
" oh I can play Cod! I'm so good! Watch me die 1000x"
>__> .... No... Just no...
He fully said people prestige while playing with me! GTH!! That's not true!! I am good at playing COD!
He always makes me play when I'm one I the following
1) drunk
2) half asleep or just woke up
3) after work when my hands are dead and my reaction time is 0 !
How about you play with me when I'm.not DYING! Jerk!
W.e we get back to his house, said hello to everyone and went down to change.
He follows me down and so does Miki.
They start playing COD and try and force me to get involved. I decline and watch them play. Matt moves to get closer to me which I then move to he floor to lie down. I end up passing out and he moves down beside me. Small kisses on my face while
I'm sleeping from Matt and his brother Miki holding my hand.
So I ended up being woken up by Matt telling me he's going to get me something to eat, dinner was ready anyways.
We all had dinner together then watched Madagascar together.
I stayed the night again with Matt on our floor bed.
The end!
W.e Matt drove me to work yesterday morning because he was worried about my car not having winter tires. Such a sweetheart! Always worrying about me :).
Was there from 930 am till 430 cause I was allowed to leave early... Yah thanks!
Matt picked me up and his friend Adrian was in the car... Didn't even notice him walking towards the car. So this is where Matt starts turning into an asshole ...
" I'm driving her cause she can't drive in the snow" he makes a reenactment of me driving which is basically him swerving ... Asshole...
Then Adrian says I should play COD with them when I get back..
Soooo Matt starts ripping on me
" oh I can play Cod! I'm so good! Watch me die 1000x"
>__> .... No... Just no...
He fully said people prestige while playing with me! GTH!! That's not true!! I am good at playing COD!
He always makes me play when I'm one I the following
1) drunk
2) half asleep or just woke up
3) after work when my hands are dead and my reaction time is 0 !
How about you play with me when I'm.not DYING! Jerk!
W.e we get back to his house, said hello to everyone and went down to change.
He follows me down and so does Miki.
They start playing COD and try and force me to get involved. I decline and watch them play. Matt moves to get closer to me which I then move to he floor to lie down. I end up passing out and he moves down beside me. Small kisses on my face while
I'm sleeping from Matt and his brother Miki holding my hand.
So I ended up being woken up by Matt telling me he's going to get me something to eat, dinner was ready anyways.
We all had dinner together then watched Madagascar together.
I stayed the night again with Matt on our floor bed.
The end!
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
Christmas Night
After spending Christmas day with the German side of my family, Matt had come and picked me up from home to take me back to his :) As mentioned in my previous post his parents were waiting for me to open gifts. They even kept Miki awake till i got there, which was after 11 pm.
So I get there wish everyone merry Christmas, Miki is hiding while his parents tell me and Matt that they put him to bed fail though cause I see Matt's dad smirking and making a hand gesture at the wall.. BOOKED !
Then I pass out the Christmas cards and they read them. Matt's mom saying thank you that's very sweet of you and hugged me. Matt's father stood up and said thank you, hugged me, and said "I love you"
Wait! Hold up! He loves me?!? Matt's father, my boyfriends father loves me?!?
I couldn't help but smile! He doesn't even tell Matt he loves him! Woot woot!
Miki opens his 3DS that apparently he's been saying I bought him... When I only pitched in lol.. I had to keep reminding him EVERYONE bought it! Lol cute kid.
Miki had made me this beautiful sequence dolphin picture which I absolutely love!!
Matt's mom and dad had given me a really pretty photo album to put the 200 and something pictures me and Matt had taken in Cuba.... Yah I forgot to mention we went to Cuba in October for a week. Anyways, loved the gift!
Then came Matt's gifts!
He presented me with a foam model of a gingerbread house that we can make together that's not for eating.. Thank
God! Matt's always trying to eat the real one we made together for my birthday.
Second gift was so special I can't wait to explain! Okay so! Basically me and Matt love to explore new places to eat out mom and pop diners. So, by hand, he had made a clay sculpture of a diner that is intended for the holidays since there is snow and everything on it. It has meaning and I love it! From the molding to the painting he did everything. It's gorgeous and I love it! Thanks Matt!! XoX
Mindy, Matt and myself sat up till 2 in the morning watching I love Lucy till we decided we needed to go to bed cause Matt has work in the morning at 7 am. Poor baby.
So me and Matt go downstairs to make our bed. Matt goes back upstairs to get his phone charger. As he reaches the top of the stairs I catch from the corner of my eye a door beside the fridge close. Okay?!? .. "MATT!!!!" "MATT!" I bolt up the stairs and explain what just happen. He calls his mom cause he wants her to wake up his dad, she says he's sleeping leave him be, I'll come downstairs. So she comes down with us and says she feels cold. Matt gets instant goosebumps and I'm shitting my pants. Not literally of course.
She asks us if we wanna sleep upstairs, Matt looks at me, I say no. After 5-10 minutes of us standing beside this door and fridge just talking Matt says he needs to sleep. She says goodnight to us and we go to bed. Leaving all the lights and tv on we finally pass out.
Today's another day, can't wait for him to finish work so I can pick him up and take a nap with him.. *sigh* love him!
Hurry and finish work! Pfft Best Buy and their boxing day hours... Another 5 hours left.
Ciao for now! XoX
So I get there wish everyone merry Christmas, Miki is hiding while his parents tell me and Matt that they put him to bed fail though cause I see Matt's dad smirking and making a hand gesture at the wall.. BOOKED !
Then I pass out the Christmas cards and they read them. Matt's mom saying thank you that's very sweet of you and hugged me. Matt's father stood up and said thank you, hugged me, and said "I love you"
Wait! Hold up! He loves me?!? Matt's father, my boyfriends father loves me?!?
I couldn't help but smile! He doesn't even tell Matt he loves him! Woot woot!
Miki opens his 3DS that apparently he's been saying I bought him... When I only pitched in lol.. I had to keep reminding him EVERYONE bought it! Lol cute kid.
Miki had made me this beautiful sequence dolphin picture which I absolutely love!!
Matt's mom and dad had given me a really pretty photo album to put the 200 and something pictures me and Matt had taken in Cuba.... Yah I forgot to mention we went to Cuba in October for a week. Anyways, loved the gift!
Then came Matt's gifts!
He presented me with a foam model of a gingerbread house that we can make together that's not for eating.. Thank
God! Matt's always trying to eat the real one we made together for my birthday.
Second gift was so special I can't wait to explain! Okay so! Basically me and Matt love to explore new places to eat out mom and pop diners. So, by hand, he had made a clay sculpture of a diner that is intended for the holidays since there is snow and everything on it. It has meaning and I love it! From the molding to the painting he did everything. It's gorgeous and I love it! Thanks Matt!! XoX
Mindy, Matt and myself sat up till 2 in the morning watching I love Lucy till we decided we needed to go to bed cause Matt has work in the morning at 7 am. Poor baby.
So me and Matt go downstairs to make our bed. Matt goes back upstairs to get his phone charger. As he reaches the top of the stairs I catch from the corner of my eye a door beside the fridge close. Okay?!? .. "MATT!!!!" "MATT!" I bolt up the stairs and explain what just happen. He calls his mom cause he wants her to wake up his dad, she says he's sleeping leave him be, I'll come downstairs. So she comes down with us and says she feels cold. Matt gets instant goosebumps and I'm shitting my pants. Not literally of course.
She asks us if we wanna sleep upstairs, Matt looks at me, I say no. After 5-10 minutes of us standing beside this door and fridge just talking Matt says he needs to sleep. She says goodnight to us and we go to bed. Leaving all the lights and tv on we finally pass out.
Today's another day, can't wait for him to finish work so I can pick him up and take a nap with him.. *sigh* love him!
Hurry and finish work! Pfft Best Buy and their boxing day hours... Another 5 hours left.
Ciao for now! XoX
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
They want me!!
So me and Matt are spending Christmas with our own families.
I always spend Christmas with my German side of the family on the 25th.
So Matt messages me saying...
" we are all waiting for you to open gifts and stuff"
Me: ... "what? Why?!?"
Matt: " cause we want you here"
Me: =O =$
Yay! They want me there!!! They like me! They really like me!
*sigh*
I always spend Christmas with my German side of the family on the 25th.
So Matt messages me saying...
" we are all waiting for you to open gifts and stuff"
Me: ... "what? Why?!?"
Matt: " cause we want you here"
Me: =O =$
Yay! They want me there!!! They like me! They really like me!
*sigh*
Monday, 24 December 2012
Merry Christmas to all!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight !
Let this be a Christmas of 2012 that we managed to survive! LoL kidding!
Goodnight!
Let this be a Christmas of 2012 that we managed to survive! LoL kidding!
Goodnight!
Christmas Eve!
I just love the holidays! The smell of amazing cooking and baking! The Christmas shows and specials! Family an friends coming together, unfortunately no snow this year :( *tear*.... *Sigh*
I'm Italian, so naturally on Christmas Eve we all get together and have a large seafood feast! Mmmmm! Soo good!
I don't get to see my amazing boyfriend tonight, or tomorrow for that matter until night time. <3 I miss you so...
Italians today Germans tomorrow lol. Two totally different cultures and cuisines!
Can't wait!
Defiantly be posting later!
Ciao a tutti!
I'm Italian, so naturally on Christmas Eve we all get together and have a large seafood feast! Mmmmm! Soo good!
I don't get to see my amazing boyfriend tonight, or tomorrow for that matter until night time. <3 I miss you so...
Italians today Germans tomorrow lol. Two totally different cultures and cuisines!
Can't wait!
Defiantly be posting later!
Ciao a tutti!
We're gunna be okay
After working a long hard day at the spa I decided I need to pick up Matt's gift, Christmas being all 2 days away and what not. So I decide to pull a mission to drive to Mississauga for 5, thank god traffic was good to me. I am so excited to give him this present!!
Here let me tell you the story!!
Back in June when Matt's parents took a vacation to Portugual for 3 weeks, he had me "move in" with him. Yes move in! He wanted me to play house with him! It was a success, but anyways!
One night we were just chilling after dinner and going for a walk with my dog, we ended up hooking up with his tenant that rented a room in his basement for drinks with her friend that was there at the time.
So after 6-7 drinks later we are all plastered, laughing and just overall having an awesome time. I liked her, Jessica was her name.. Really sweet girl, wish I had talked to her sooner! *she ended up moving out 2 days later :( *
Moving on; we all gathered around Matt's ps3 and used the Internet to look up Jessica's friends sisters art site. The girl has major talent! So anyways! We browse through her stuff when we stumble upon "Metal Arts." One of them was a bronze sculpture of a bird on a perch, gorgeous!
First words:
Matt: Oh my God! I have an idea! I need her contact information!
Me: I say nothing.... *but I know exactly what my baby is thinking!* he would want to have his Benfica Eagel made. Gotcha babe! Say no more!
So! Obviously we were all drunk and who would remember in the morning what happen, right?
Well there it was the idea for his Christmas present. I contacted her right away and had a gorgeous Eagel made out of steel and brass paint for him. Costed me $226 but I'm happy!
Get home wrap his gift and his moms as he was on his way to pick me up.
Good night overall I might add. Matt's mom stayed with us till 2 in the morning just watching Christmas movies with us. I like that :), I like the whole family idea watching tv together.
Mindy ended up going to bed and told us to get some sleep since Matt had to be up in the morning at 6:45 for work. Poor baby :(
*sigh* Tired baby? You were passing out on the couch the whole time!
Fun times and cuddles for the night. Share some stories and fall asleep to wake up beside your face.
I love you.
Matt - " blah blah blah Obi wah jobi.."
Me- ....what??? Obi Wan Kenobi?!
Matt - LMFAO! obi wan kenobi?!
Me - :S ... How many cannolis?
Both - laughing our asses off / then fall asleep :)
Here let me tell you the story!!
Back in June when Matt's parents took a vacation to Portugual for 3 weeks, he had me "move in" with him. Yes move in! He wanted me to play house with him! It was a success, but anyways!
One night we were just chilling after dinner and going for a walk with my dog, we ended up hooking up with his tenant that rented a room in his basement for drinks with her friend that was there at the time.
So after 6-7 drinks later we are all plastered, laughing and just overall having an awesome time. I liked her, Jessica was her name.. Really sweet girl, wish I had talked to her sooner! *she ended up moving out 2 days later :( *
Moving on; we all gathered around Matt's ps3 and used the Internet to look up Jessica's friends sisters art site. The girl has major talent! So anyways! We browse through her stuff when we stumble upon "Metal Arts." One of them was a bronze sculpture of a bird on a perch, gorgeous!
First words:
Matt: Oh my God! I have an idea! I need her contact information!
Me: I say nothing.... *but I know exactly what my baby is thinking!* he would want to have his Benfica Eagel made. Gotcha babe! Say no more!
So! Obviously we were all drunk and who would remember in the morning what happen, right?
Well there it was the idea for his Christmas present. I contacted her right away and had a gorgeous Eagel made out of steel and brass paint for him. Costed me $226 but I'm happy!
Get home wrap his gift and his moms as he was on his way to pick me up.
Good night overall I might add. Matt's mom stayed with us till 2 in the morning just watching Christmas movies with us. I like that :), I like the whole family idea watching tv together.
Mindy ended up going to bed and told us to get some sleep since Matt had to be up in the morning at 6:45 for work. Poor baby :(
*sigh* Tired baby? You were passing out on the couch the whole time!
Fun times and cuddles for the night. Share some stories and fall asleep to wake up beside your face.
I love you.
Matt - " blah blah blah Obi wah jobi.."
Me- ....what??? Obi Wan Kenobi?!
Matt - LMFAO! obi wan kenobi?!
Me - :S ... How many cannolis?
Both - laughing our asses off / then fall asleep :)
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Try a little harder
Why am I battling myself with the thought of the nonsense that shouldn't matter? I love him so much and I'm trying not to mess things up.
"What's wrong?"
"why are you so distant?"
Shopping then, grab a DQ cake for mY bestie who is arriving from Japan today..
We go to her house to drop off the cake with her mom and sister. They meet him and love him... Of course! Why wouldn't they?! He's amazing in every way!
We stay and talk with them for an hour then I get tired and wanna leave.
Back in the car, we talk, argue, and cry. We get back to his house..
"you should go inside Matt"
" no.. I refuse... Not unless you go with me or I'm staying right here"
After refusing 100x I end up going.. Cause I love you right?
We watch tv with his mom and drink tea till 1 in the morning. She goes to bed and we chill for a bit on the couch..
He moves to the bigger one expecting me to follow.. But I don't.
We end up going downstairs, talking and crying together. I suggest to leave. He makes me stay.
"I want my gf back"
"let me hold you Jenn"
So I do.. I fall asleep on his chest while he sits and watches tv and plays with my hair..
2 hrs later... " Jenn, can I lay down beside you..."
"mhmm"
Falls asleep in his arms
Be with me Jen.
I love you.
"What's wrong?"
"why are you so distant?"
Shopping then, grab a DQ cake for mY bestie who is arriving from Japan today..
We go to her house to drop off the cake with her mom and sister. They meet him and love him... Of course! Why wouldn't they?! He's amazing in every way!
We stay and talk with them for an hour then I get tired and wanna leave.
Back in the car, we talk, argue, and cry. We get back to his house..
"you should go inside Matt"
" no.. I refuse... Not unless you go with me or I'm staying right here"
After refusing 100x I end up going.. Cause I love you right?
We watch tv with his mom and drink tea till 1 in the morning. She goes to bed and we chill for a bit on the couch..
He moves to the bigger one expecting me to follow.. But I don't.
We end up going downstairs, talking and crying together. I suggest to leave. He makes me stay.
"I want my gf back"
"let me hold you Jenn"
So I do.. I fall asleep on his chest while he sits and watches tv and plays with my hair..
2 hrs later... " Jenn, can I lay down beside you..."
"mhmm"
Falls asleep in his arms
Be with me Jen.
I love you.
Friday, 21 December 2012
Patiently waiting...
On January 13th my best friend left to work in Japan. Daniela and I spent almost everyday together before she left. It's been a whole year almost that I haven't seen her. Tomorrow at 1:30 pm she will be here in Canada again.
I've missed her so much. She's like a sister to me... I can't wait to see her and her fiancé get off that plane tomorrow! Yes my bestie is engaged!!
I love you Daniela and I'm glad your back!!
See you tomorrow <3
I've missed her so much. She's like a sister to me... I can't wait to see her and her fiancé get off that plane tomorrow! Yes my bestie is engaged!!
I love you Daniela and I'm glad your back!!
See you tomorrow <3
Confession
So after a long day of working and eating at myself emotionally, I had finally decided to confront him about the details that were brought to my attention....
His words to me were " people change... You can't judge on the past.. What was said and done was before, not now... Where am I now?"....
Sadly he raises a good point, although I still can't get those things out of my head. I just wanna be loved the same way if not more.
Oh Matthew, if you only knew how much I love you and want to be with you... You just need to understand I have such strong insecurities that make me so weak. Just love me, please love me for all that I am.
I am trying to do the same...
Goodnight
His words to me were " people change... You can't judge on the past.. What was said and done was before, not now... Where am I now?"....
Sadly he raises a good point, although I still can't get those things out of my head. I just wanna be loved the same way if not more.
Oh Matthew, if you only knew how much I love you and want to be with you... You just need to understand I have such strong insecurities that make me so weak. Just love me, please love me for all that I am.
I am trying to do the same...
Goodnight
Thursday, 20 December 2012
11:11 make a wish
I wish that everything that happen before me didn't matter and I could let it go.
Cause I'm going to crazy if I don't!
Cause I'm going to crazy if I don't!
Pissed off!
Okay! So! I'm extremely pissed off!! I keep finding out more and more about the "past"... Roses at school? Hotels for birthday and Spuntini?!? *spuntini is a very expressive restaurant in the yorkmills area.. Yah.. I mean, I appreciate what I go and what he did for me but come on! They shit with this ex was 1000x more thought out and planned... Why do I always feel like I'm on the back burner? Or that I'm just there and I'm what ever when he made her out to be a princess...
*sigh* I don't know why I do this to myself..
Now to start work off with a bad morning. Moods killed.
Ciao for now...
*sigh* I don't know why I do this to myself..
Now to start work off with a bad morning. Moods killed.
Ciao for now...
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
FaceTime night night
Spending an hour of watching you study and me Facebooking is always fun.
Even though we both look unimpressed lol
Even though we both look unimpressed lol
Departure
Work all day today, gosh... Hate it!
On a positive note I ate healthy all day! YAY ME! We have so much chocolate and goodies coming in due to the holidays and I didn't touch a single thing. *-will power-* ;)
So I am sitting here typing this while my dog sits in my lap licking himself =/ ..
My love has been studying all day, his last exam is tomorrow before for the semester ^__^
I miss you's all day today back and forth, makes me sad *tear*
My pyramid studs finally made it in my mail box yesterday so I finally got around to finishing off my DYI sweater. Looks awesome. Can't lie.
8:45 I decide to get dressed and pay a visit to my bf on lock down, probably drag him out to get a coffee so he can unwind and break a bit. We end up at timmies, sitting and talking for about 2 hours until we decide me passing out on a table isn't the best thing.
Sitting in his drive way lip syncing to Justin Bieber lol, we talk for a bit and watch some youtube vids.
Time for you to go inside and finish studying. We say our goodbyes and hug 10x more.
Matt- "I wish I was finished school already..."
Me- "Why?"
Matt- "So I didn't have to leave"
Me- ".... *smiles*"
Matt- "I hate the feeling I get... this pulling feeling in the chest, I feel it now.."
Me- " Oh...I hate it too.."
Me- "Facetime?"
Matt- "Msg me when you get home..:*smiles*... *closes car door*
*Sigh*
On a positive note I ate healthy all day! YAY ME! We have so much chocolate and goodies coming in due to the holidays and I didn't touch a single thing. *-will power-* ;)
So I am sitting here typing this while my dog sits in my lap licking himself =/ ..
My love has been studying all day, his last exam is tomorrow before for the semester ^__^
I miss you's all day today back and forth, makes me sad *tear*
My pyramid studs finally made it in my mail box yesterday so I finally got around to finishing off my DYI sweater. Looks awesome. Can't lie.
8:45 I decide to get dressed and pay a visit to my bf on lock down, probably drag him out to get a coffee so he can unwind and break a bit. We end up at timmies, sitting and talking for about 2 hours until we decide me passing out on a table isn't the best thing.
Sitting in his drive way lip syncing to Justin Bieber lol, we talk for a bit and watch some youtube vids.
Time for you to go inside and finish studying. We say our goodbyes and hug 10x more.
Matt- "I wish I was finished school already..."
Me- "Why?"
Matt- "So I didn't have to leave"
Me- ".... *smiles*"
Matt- "I hate the feeling I get... this pulling feeling in the chest, I feel it now.."
Me- " Oh...I hate it too.."
Me- "Facetime?"
Matt- "Msg me when you get home..:*smiles*... *closes car door*
*Sigh*
The past is the past.....Right?
Why do I bother myself with always wanting to 'know' what happen before I was in the picture?
To compare? To be aware of what's to come? Old habits die hard right? Why am I obsessing over things that happened that can not be controlled or changed?
I should just spare myself the heartache and frustration of exposing my brain to the past nonsense.
*Sigh*.....When will I learn?
To compare? To be aware of what's to come? Old habits die hard right? Why am I obsessing over things that happened that can not be controlled or changed?
I should just spare myself the heartache and frustration of exposing my brain to the past nonsense.
*Sigh*.....When will I learn?
Monday, 17 December 2012
Relaxing Birthday Weekend =)
Saturday December 15th - My birthday
It started roughly on Friday evening. After a crazy day of interviews and declining job offers, I decided it was time to head over to my boyfriends house for a little R&R. Puzzle time?! I think so! We quickly started a Christmas puzzle I had chosen in September while my mother was in the hospital with a broken hip. 389 pieces later; we give up. Back are hurting and eyes are strained. 1:09 am we walk away to go play a video game. 3:45 I'm finally asleep on our floor-made bed, Pretty comfy I might add. Saturday morning; I wake up to his face... *sigh* 6:00am- " Good morning my old lady," as he kisses my cheek ... Ugh, don't remind me -.-' .. We fall asleep again. 8:00am, "wake up! I got Soccer practice!"
Upstairs, I get wished happy birthday from his mom and little brother, I'm handed a gift from the other half. "This is your first gift" ... FIRST?! Christmas movie classics! Thanks babe! My Favourites! Gotta watch them all before Christmas now ;)
The day was going well. Saw my grandma which is always a bonus! We met up after and went back to relax and have dinner. As he rushes me downstairs to watch the second half of his Soccer game, his parents shower me with song, birthday cards, red velvet cupcakes and presents from my other! Nintendo Wii and 3 games! Just dance being one of them! Lets DO THIS! After his parents had left he had the night planned out. We decided to make pasta, I took over obviously but he never left my side. Fettuccine with meat balls; mmmmm! Next up, down time watching some Teletoon Retro, he know's I love it :)
9:45 pm, Awesome house near us that every year sets up crazy Christmas lights for Sick kids foundation. Beautiful!
Quick run to Starbucks; gotta have that Gingerbread latte ♥
1-1/2 hr drive to Niagara Falls to see the Festival of Lights! Gorgeous!
Home by 2:30 am. What's better then going to sleep beside you? Nothing. :$
Sunday morning..*ahem* sorry, afternoon. -Guilty- Today is 'finish puzzle and build a gingerbread house day'- Can't wait!
The other has an exam at 2:00pm. Day is still planned though. Brunch with his family, he goes to study as I help his mom prepare dinner for later. Ingredients: Meat stuffed with meat stuffed with even more meat - Beef stuffed with chorizo, stuffed with prosciutto stuffed with garlic and butter and rapped in bacon = Orgasmic. I take him to school to do his test and go home to shower. 3 hours later back to pick him up to head back to his house. It's raining :(. Arrive to see more of his family there and gathered around the T.V watching old home made videos. Young Matt = cute trouble maker!
6:00 pm we finish the puzzle and start on the gingerbread house
10:37 pm A little 'Just Dance' time :D
Ready for bed? Of course not! Assassin's Creed 3 while I watch and end up sleeping on your lap.
He wakes me up and makes our bed. 3:00 am sleep time with you again....
It started roughly on Friday evening. After a crazy day of interviews and declining job offers, I decided it was time to head over to my boyfriends house for a little R&R. Puzzle time?! I think so! We quickly started a Christmas puzzle I had chosen in September while my mother was in the hospital with a broken hip. 389 pieces later; we give up. Back are hurting and eyes are strained. 1:09 am we walk away to go play a video game. 3:45 I'm finally asleep on our floor-made bed, Pretty comfy I might add. Saturday morning; I wake up to his face... *sigh* 6:00am- " Good morning my old lady," as he kisses my cheek ... Ugh, don't remind me -.-' .. We fall asleep again. 8:00am, "wake up! I got Soccer practice!"
Upstairs, I get wished happy birthday from his mom and little brother, I'm handed a gift from the other half. "This is your first gift" ... FIRST?! Christmas movie classics! Thanks babe! My Favourites! Gotta watch them all before Christmas now ;)
The day was going well. Saw my grandma which is always a bonus! We met up after and went back to relax and have dinner. As he rushes me downstairs to watch the second half of his Soccer game, his parents shower me with song, birthday cards, red velvet cupcakes and presents from my other! Nintendo Wii and 3 games! Just dance being one of them! Lets DO THIS! After his parents had left he had the night planned out. We decided to make pasta, I took over obviously but he never left my side. Fettuccine with meat balls; mmmmm! Next up, down time watching some Teletoon Retro, he know's I love it :)
9:45 pm, Awesome house near us that every year sets up crazy Christmas lights for Sick kids foundation. Beautiful!
Quick run to Starbucks; gotta have that Gingerbread latte ♥
1-1/2 hr drive to Niagara Falls to see the Festival of Lights! Gorgeous!
Home by 2:30 am. What's better then going to sleep beside you? Nothing. :$
Sunday morning..*ahem* sorry, afternoon. -Guilty- Today is 'finish puzzle and build a gingerbread house day'- Can't wait!
The other has an exam at 2:00pm. Day is still planned though. Brunch with his family, he goes to study as I help his mom prepare dinner for later. Ingredients: Meat stuffed with meat stuffed with even more meat - Beef stuffed with chorizo, stuffed with prosciutto stuffed with garlic and butter and rapped in bacon = Orgasmic. I take him to school to do his test and go home to shower. 3 hours later back to pick him up to head back to his house. It's raining :(. Arrive to see more of his family there and gathered around the T.V watching old home made videos. Young Matt = cute trouble maker!
6:00 pm we finish the puzzle and start on the gingerbread house
10:37 pm A little 'Just Dance' time :D
Ready for bed? Of course not! Assassin's Creed 3 while I watch and end up sleeping on your lap.
He wakes me up and makes our bed. 3:00 am sleep time with you again....
*Sigh*
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